Work-Life Balance: The Four Burners Theory

There is an unattributable quote that goes as follows:

"Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is it."

or another one I love from Confucius

"We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one."

But there is so much we want to do, how can we fit every aspiration into one life? Work-life balance and how to achieve it has been a topic at the forefront for years now. But most of us are struggling with it...

In my own life I can see the dichotomy of the work-life balance unfolding in front of me every day. How can I make meaningful progress in one area of my life, without sacrificing another? I can't. Life is filled with tradeoffs.

The Four Burners Theory

Years ago I stumbled across an article called Laugh, Kookaburra (New Yorker), which introduced an idea called the four burners theory (who exactly came up with it originally, I could not trace back).

Imagine that your life is represented by a stove with four burners on it. Each burner symbolizes one major quadrant of your life.

1. The first burner represents your family.
2. The second burner is your friends.
3. The third burner is your health.
4. The fourth burner is your work.

It states that "in order to be successful you have to cut off one of your burners. And in order to be really successful you have to cut off two". Tradeoffs in the flesh.

Okay, so of course I could divide my time equally among all areas of my life, but then I'd have to accept that each of the four areas of my life would be operating on a low simmer. Which then begs the question:

Would I want to achieve perfect work-life balance, if it results in doing a little bit everywhere, but making no satisfying progress in any of them?

Honestly? I don't. It doesn't feel right. So essentially, I am forced to choose.

But if you are anything like me, guilt, anxiety and even shame are constant companions when being forced to choose. "I should visit my parents more often", "I still want to run that marathon", "I want to go on a three months trip with my girlfriend", "I really should take better care of my friendships", "I finally want to follow through with my business idea I had for years", you pick yours!

A little remedy: The Seasons of Life

While there are a lot of things we can do to minimize the stress put upon us (creating systems of automation, outsourcing tasks, and setting meaningful constraints etc.), but they only go so far. The most honest approach I have stumbled upon (and the one I try to employ myself), is the concept of life seasons from Nathan Barry.

It basically goes like this:

What if, instead of searching for perfect work-life balance at all times, you divided your life into seasons that focused on a particular area?

There is often a multiplier effect that occurs when you dedicate yourself fully to a given area. In many cases, you can achieve more by going all-in on a given task for a few years than by giving it a lukewarm effort for fifty years. Maybe it is best to strive for seasons of imbalance and rotate through them as needed?

But however you approach work-life balance, the four burners theory and the seasons of life approach reveal one truth everyone must deal with: Nobody likes being told they can't have it all, but everyone has constraints on their time and energy. Every choice has a cost.

Choose wisely!