The Irrelevancy of Being Right

Being right, winning an argument feels good, doesn't it?

Most of us innately care about being right. Being right was something that we were taught was the ultimate pinnacle of knowledge. It's like an intellectual triumph over an adversary. We know better, we know more, and you, you just don't understand. Whether its a loved one, a client, or an employee, we must be right.

And even if we know we are wrong. We cannot have the other side score a win, no matter how small. Because if they are right, it means we are wrong. And now backed into a corner, it becomes a pride thing.

A good example is religion. How many wars have been fought in the name of religion? Name one religion that doesn’t think that its way is the right way. But again, if that one religion is the right way, all the others must be wrong 🤔

Being Right Prevents us From Being Generous

The real tragedy is, trying to be right all the time gets in the way of generosity. It's almost like a shield we are holding up. Do you know that feeling a couple of minutes after an argument you (thought you've) won? That bitter aftertaste once you bathed in your dominance over the other person?

Well, all you've really done is shut down a person who wanted to be heard.

And it's not like the other person now thinks: "Well I am so stupid, he is so right. How could I not have seen his brilliance and superior way of thinking?"

No, they think: "What an ass, he didn't even listen to what I said and now look at his arrogant smirk, thinking he is right. I'll show him!"

It's a Waste of Energy

Also, we waste so much energy and so much effort on being right. We plead, we convince, we argue, we debate, we re-phrase, we provide evidence all day long. And we only stop when the other person gives in. And if they don't, we end up quietly sulking like the two kids in the picture above.

What if we don't need to be right?

And you know what's crazy? The need to be right is actually preventing us from getting the things that will actually most serve us. So instead of trying to be right all the time, what if we take a different approach at least some of the time?

As so often in the past, James Clear has some wisdom for us:

"You're probably right' has become one of my favorite phrases.

Whenever someone disagrees with you on a small matter (read: most things), you can shrug, say 'you’re probably right' and move on. Not caring about winning trivial arguments saves so much time and energy."

Let's keep our needs to be right for the big things in life. When someone violates a deeply held value or a principle of ours we should absolutely stand up for ourselves.

As for everything else, "You're probably right" seems like the smarter and more generous way to go about things.